Sour, But Sweet
by Scootiebootie
Summary: After their arguing and bickering has gotten worse over a period of weeks, months, and years, Cartman and Wendy reach the absolute peak of their sexual tension after their argument between an assignment in english class turns a different route. Candy!


_Obviously, this is set after season 21, and I know that the characters aren't in character all the time, but I try my best. This is set six years into the future, by the way, if you didn't already know._

—

It was a freezing, January morning in South Park, Colorado, but believe me, it was hotter than blazes in the classroom, but not without a teaspoon of tension swirling around, in fact. Why so? Because two tenth-graders, the Trump-and-Hillary-act-a-likes-of-town, were arguing yet again, the third time only in this class.

"What is wrong with being a social worker, Eric? Is it wrong that I want to help other people and their children?" Wendy scoffed from the front of the class, her fist crumbling up her essay. The assignment was to write about what you wanted to be in 20 years, and Wendy did exactly that, but it was still an issue to other, particular people.

"Firstly, you get paid like shit. Secondly, you help dirty, smelly hippies and their demonic offspring daily when they should all be rightfully exterminated in bunches, with Jews and gingers included, obviouslah. You should at least grow up to be what you're gewd at now: hippie activist/sexist feminist by day, 9 inch dong-sucker by night." The morbidly obese teen gave her his infamous smirk, his hand resting comfortably on his chubby cheek. One of his favorite past times was triggering her; he secretly found her reactions attractive.

"How _dare_ you call me sexist! I am one of the most tolerant people in this entire school! _You_ are the one who is the most sexist person in school, no, actually in town! Secondly, I am fucking sick and tired of you calling me a slut, a hoe! It is demeaning to other women and I who deal with pieces of shit, like you, everyday!"

Cartman was a little hurt about the 'piece of shit' comment, but he wouldn't let her bring his inflated ego down, no, not now. Not in front of everyone.

His smug expression sat still on his face. "But it's true that you're a hoe, and you know that. Even the gay guys secretly want your bjs."

"We really don't." Craig stated from across the classroom. Tweek nodded in agreement.

"It's true, Craig, you black asshole." Craig rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I bet that you even suck PC Principal's dick. That's why you've been class president all these years, right, because you suck a few wieners once in a while so you can keep your position? Is this also why you get flawless grades on _every_ report card?"

The black-haired girl's cheeks turned pink in anger, the same exact color as her beret. She marched herself to his desk, her eyebrows positioned into a tight 'V'. She looked exactly like she was going to rip his head off of his obese, little body without much trouble.

Wendy leaned closer to his face and whispered forcefully, "Again, like I said, for the second fucking time, I'm not a hoe, you fat, degenerate scumbag. Stop saying that, or I'll kick your ass again, but this time, I'll rip your dick and balls off completely, and, when you get to the emergency room, the surgeons won't be able to attach them back on."

At this point, Cartman was sweating bullets, and Wendy intimidated him intensely. He couldn't stop his 'comedy' act, however, and he made the dumb decision to keep going. "So what you're telling me is that... you're still a virgin?" He snorted, his smug smile growing a few centimeters wider. Other boys in the class joined in the conversation with whistles and giggles from across the room.

Her face immediately turned from angry to disgusted, and her cheeks turned from pink to red in the matter of seconds. "W-WHAT? No, I'm not a virgin! I mean, I'm a virgin- why is it any of your business, anyway?!"

"That's okay if you're a virgin, Wendy. I guess you want to save it for marriage- but that's what your mouth and butthole are for, right?"

Wendy grabbed his red, coat collar with all her might, her face so close to his that she could smell the Cheezy Poofs he had for lunch. "What the fuck is your deal, Cartman? Why do you demean and ridicule me every fucking day I'm in school?" He sat quietly and didn't say a word. "TELL ME, GODDAMMIT!"

"Because I-I think..."

"Think WHAT? You think I'm a 'stupid hoe' and I should be criticized about everything _I_ say _and_ do?"

"I-I-I think you're kinda cute." He whispered silently, his voice as quiet as a mouse's.

"You think I'm cute? Is this some kind of sick, manipulative joke? Are you trying to manipulate me like you did with Heidi, because I'm not going to deal with this bullshit at all-"

He interrupted her by locking his lips with hers, his cheeks' complexion changing into the color scarlet. She was caught off-guard at first, but she gave in into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Fuck yeah!" Kenny hollered from across the room, his toothy smile growing from ear-to-ear. "You _all_ owe me, every single one of you!"

What Kenny said was true. A couple weeks before, Kenny betted with everyone in the class that Cartman and Wendy were going to make out before school ended, and everyone else lost the bet. He could tell the signs, from their recently upgraded bickering, to Cartman talking more about Wendy than ever before. Everyone in class owed Kenny one-hundred bucks, except for Token, who owed him two-hundred instead.

"Can we only pay one-hundred, since we're together?" Craig asked, his hand resting on Tweek's own.

"Nope, nope. It doesn't work that way; everyone owes me something. You both have to pay up, couple or not." Craig and Tweek groaned.

"If you guys all don't pay me in a week," Kenny announced to the whole class, "I'll get my brother to break a window or two of your houses. No exceptions."

The two rivals still locked lips, and Cartman was even confident enough to slip his tongue into hers. At this point, the girl's hands went under his hat and into chestnut-colored locks, and his hands were caressing her skinny back. It was all so disgusting, but yet so intriguing at the same time.

"Gross." Bebe stated from a few feet away. "I thought one kiss would do, but I guess not. Sigh."

"Do you still miss her?" Kyle asked his Super Best Friend, who sat in the desk right next to him.

"Fuck no. Secretly I knew they both were into each other. Besides, Cartman is a much better kisser than I would ever be."

The english teacher walked back into the room, looked at the two teens making out, and immediately walked back out. "Jesus Christ, where are the Xanies and a one-way ticket to Denver when I need them most?" The middle-aged, glutinous gloon muttered to himself as he walked himself back to the teacher's lounge. "Typical goddamn South Park day."

—

One week later-

Kenny strutted down Main Street with a new pair of Yeezys on and a cigarette in his mouth. With the money, he managed to buy a pair of Yeezys off of Amazon and, with the rest, he bought himself a pack or two of Marlboros. "Damn, I definitely need to bet people more." He muttered to himself as he took the cancer stick out of his mouth and blew gray smoke.

Cartman and Wendy cuddled on his living room couch with snacks on the table, celery sticks for Wendy, and, of course, Cheezy Poofs for the bigger of the two. "I can't fucking believe I actually made out with you in front of everyone. My reputation could have been ruined because of you." Wendy groaned, referring to the video all over Facebook and Instagram of the two's 'tongue wrestling match' in class a week before.

"It was going to happen, Babe; it was unamenable. By the way, you still had feelings for me after the debate in third grade, didn't you?~"

"Don't push it."

—

 _Please tell me what you think! Please, only give me constructive criticism! Also, if you can, share what your hopes and predictions are for this upcoming season! Thanks a bunch for reading!_


End file.
